coquetterie

Attractive fit guy for gal with shoe fetish - 35 (Midtown)

Reply to: pers-960824664@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-16, 8:43PM EST

Hello Ladies,

Attractive guy here lookin for a lady with a shoe fetish.
I’m seeking someone who is interested in a relationship.
I’m fit, and employed in the tech field.

Please send pic….

NO GUYS

+ + + +

Let me just say that the article, posted initially on Craigslist, above annoys me to no end. As a professional dominatrix, seeing the word fetish used in the wrong context annoys me greatly.

A fetish is something (shoes, bondage, clamps, etc) that is necessary for a person to achieve sexual satisfaction or something which one fixates or obsesses on irrationally. Women who enjoy having oodles of shoes, generally speaking, do not have a foot or shoe fetish. They are not sexually excited by the idea of receiving, wearing or taking the shoes off. Nor do they spend their free time obsessing over them.

In some regards, I think many women bought into the Sex In The City stereotype. With the wild popularity of the show, women identified with the characters’ exploits and also strove to be more like them. In doing so, the herd mentality emerged and what the characters did, so too did the herd. Me, personally, do I like shoes? Yes, although given where I live, more often than not I’m barefoot. That’s every two weeks I have a pedicure.

In fact, let’s delve a little further into this anonymous Craigslist posting, shall we? This gentleman certainly may not be a submissive; that’s fine. He’s not looking for a relationship, either. You don’t bribe potential dates with shoes, or anything else. To find a young lady for a date, you win her over with charm, humor and charisma. None of that is on offer in his ad. In fact, there is scant little about him to offer a young lady, other than his desire for her to love shoes.

In fact, I believe he is the one with the fetish. Ladies, there isn’t anything to fear from a foot or shoe fetishist. Indeed, being with a gentleman with that predilection only serves to see your feet pampered and/or copious amounts of shoes overflowing from your closet. Neither of which are a bad thing.

What I see in his post is subtle. Personally, I believe this gentleman will buy you the shoes you desire only if you indulge his whims. Perhaps, I believe I project these onto him given my line of work; or, from what I witnessed first hand. My belief is this gentleman is trying to top from beneath. In exchange for a lovely pair of shoes, he may request to worship them or be walked on by them. Or, he might want something else altogether different.

I suppose my issue with this comes down to this one central idea: he isn’t being honest. If you are looking to play in exchange for a lovely pair of shoes, then just say it. Don’t get some poor woman’s hopes up for something that isn’t going to emerge. Lastly, accept your fetish and get over it. It’s infinitely more common and less shameful than you think.

Now Playing: This Charming Man from the album The Sound of the Smiths (Deluxe Edition) [Remastered] by The Smiths

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I write about sex. I like it. I enjoy it when I have it and I want to have it nearly ceaselessly. Currently, I’m not having it, though. Why? I’m partnerless by choice.

When it comes to men, I make wrong decisions. Instead of picking the good choices behind doors number one or two, I always zero in on door number three. What does our lovely contestant in the game of sex and love find behind that door: not what she seeks.

Because of that, I’ve decided to take time off from men. Oh, I still fantasize all the time about fucking; how I want to fuck and be fucked. I ponder all the cruel, deliciously mean things I’m going to do with a partner when I have one. And, I take out my frustrations on clients. The rewards from that are generous.

And, for those of you not in the know, BDSM, fetish and kinks do not always play a part in my sex life. Just like sex doesn’t always play a part in my fetish-y world. Sometimes, the cruelest games to play are the mental ones. And, I enjoy it, with the right partner.

It takes a special man to agree to these sorts of games. It takes a special man to separate the play from the reality of life. And, the games that I play require additional fetishes or kinks to be present to enhance the game. I know it must seem that I’m speaking in circles or being deliberately obtuse. And, I am. I’m not going to spill all the beans, not right away.

The first rule: Always leave them wanting more.

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Undoubtedly someone, somewhere, will be pissed off by this post. More than one, I believe.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m going to open up as much as I can (non-disclosure agreement and all that). I work for a boutique phonesex and domination agency. The majority of my clients are submissives seeking a Mistress. They are public figures, executives or high-profile men that cannot seek out a face-to-face Mistress. Or, they feel they are unable. Ergo, they find me.

This afternoon, an interesting discussion between a client and I erupted. We began by discussing submissiveness and dominance and what I like and why. What I prefer, at this point, isn’t germain to this conversation. It’s the point that I want to make; the point that I shared with the client. I mentioned that mainstream media (magazines, film and internet) project a stylized ideal of what a female dominant ought to be. And this ideal has no basis in reality save for a very small minority.

From that point, we moved into murkier waters What makes a submissive submissive? Why does a dominant dominate? To some, I explained, it’s gender roles. Men dominate and women submit. And suggesting that it’s that simple is wrong others would say.

Earlier this week? this month? two excellent writers, Bitchy Jones and Bad Man, aired their opinions. Generally, I agree with much of what Bitchy says. I think it’s completely ignorant to fetishize and sell an ideal of female domination when the majority of female dominants in no-way-or-shape resemble her. Yet, at the same time, I think the chip on Bitchy’s shoulder, from being different, clouds her judgment.

And her last post, I couldn’t finish it. I couldn’t focus on it. It just seemed like a lot of ranting at men: why they are wrong and she is correct, why female domination is wrong and she will be the savior of it.

Bad Man seems to suggest that dominance and submissiveness lie in the genetic code. And, whilst on some level, I agree. I just don’t believe it’s simply that cut-and-dry.

I work with men daily. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors like women. The men I speak with are type-A personalities, dominant and out-going in their public lives and careers. Yet, in the bedroom, they submit. Not only because they enjoy it, rather they need it. They crave submission. That is my experience.

Not all men are like this. Some may be genetically inclined towards submission; however, other factors intervene, pushing them to it. Some have only experience with overbearing or controlling women that shapes them. Some might have enjoyed their first experience with a partner and explored and grew in their submission.

Women can be born submissive or dominant just like men. Being wired, as I am, means that I am born this way and that’s okay. I have found that with dominance and submission, it is a give and take. A rare person can be purely submissive or dominant. I find that my mind is wired one way for sexuality, but it doesn’t always overflow into other aspects of my life. Outside influences do play a large part. I think we need to recognize that and accept it.

I told my client early that most people would never imagine that I did this for a job. Everyone mistakes my shyness, my reticence to speak publicly and politeness for being a doormat, a push-over. I am far from it. I have the ability to wind men around my finger and I revel in it. I love the rush of power it gives me, how it makes me feel.

So, in closing, I do not agree with the statement that men are dominants because of evolution or genetics. I do agree with the statement that men and women are dominant because of genetics and societal influences. The same, I say, for submissives. Members of both sexes can be wired either way. I’m certain there were overbearing and obnoxious cave women, you know.

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