coquetterie

Ishall say from the outset: I hardly paid attention in my obligatory psychology and sociology classes when I was in University. My point of view comes from discussions with others as well as what I experiend.

Sexuality, for most people, is fluid. It ebbs and flows from one point to another. If you are lucky enough to settle down with a partner, you undoubtedly might notice the give and take in your relationship. I certainly have seen it in past relationships. I think, there are a very lucky few that are wired one particular way without the desire to flow towards the opposite for balance. Their state is natural, whether dominant or submissive.

The rest of mankind, that is a bit of a sticky widget, really. What makes it thus is all the norms and roles that society associates with genders. Add on to that, the roles we take on in our family and it can be compounded further.

Society formerly told us that women are the homemakers; men bring home the bacon. I think we can all agree that today those roles are shared in many homes. Yet, if we delve into each family, how many men or women hand over their pay to a spouse for budgeting purpsoses? How many retain separate accountings and have agreed to pay for specific items?

The same can be said for relationships in the bedroom. Some times, the man is the dominant partner and the woman the submissive. Yet, there are stretches or times when the woman may desire to ’switch’ her role and take charge. She may want to guide and lead intimate activities and she does by taking control and placing her man in the submissive place. And, for those of you female dominants seething out there, I chose this example to make your skin crawl. See, I can be petty and not above a bit of baiting.

In my time, persuing the internet, clubs and groups, my nosiness led me to discover that many find those who switch unpalatable. Is there a perception that those who ebb and flow can’t make up their mind? Is that they want to have the best of both worlds? Surely, those that enjoy the ebb and flow of their sexual dymanics are greedy. I mean, really, it couldn’t seriously be because they are wired that way.

While the perfect term, switch, as noted, has too many negative connotations. It needs replacing. I just have no idea what it ought to be re-named. I don’t think fluid or the like works, though. A person just doesn’t wake up in the morning and say, I’m tired of being the bottom; I’m going to take charge today, switch things up and be the top.

So, to all of you arguing on the internet about domination and submission, let’s not forget the majority of people (in my opinion) kinky or not that just ebb and flow. Like dominants or submissives they feed off the power exchange, too. And, also like them, they too are wired this way.

Technorati Tags: fludity, sexuality, natural born

Share/Save

A friend, exasperated with my list-making and seemingly Seinfeldian-reasoning for ignoring men, recently posed the question, “What are you looking for in a man?”

Without hesitation I answered, “A man’s man. That’s what I want.”

Finding a man’s man is difficult. In my experience, men today don’t exude that aura. They compromise. They don’t stride in when others fail to live up to expectations. Granted, there are a few left out there that do.

Self-confidence plays a large part in this character’s development. Self-aware, he eschews grand displays of bravada for bravada’s sake. He retreats from the limelight. He allows attention to find him; he does not seek it out.

He enjoys looking his best. He doesn’t spend hours with unguents, potions and pots of lotion. He knows the worth of ‘bed-head’ in attracting a woman. The allure of the five o’clock shadow, a knowing smirk and a wicked gleam in his eye are all the accessories he might need.

He wears the clothes; they don’t wear him. He enjoys dressing well or dressing down. What he wears is a matter of personal style and taste, not what the glossies tell him to wear.

He enjoys life and lives it. He’s not filled with ‘could-have-beens’ or ‘I-should-haves.’ He enjoys company in his pursuits or he can enjoy them on his own. He is comfortable in his own skin and with his own company.

I’m looking for a man that takes care of himself. Confidence oozes from his pores. Yet, at the same time, he doesn’t allow the attention he receives to make him cocky or self-centered. His attitudes aren’t cavalier. His emotions don’t swing from hot to cold and then back again. He knows what he wants and how to go about getting it. He voices his opinions, even if unpopular. He can be the life of the party or he can enjoy time spent alone enjoying his vices. I want a man that doesn’t give a damn about what other’s think yet is mindful of others and their feelings.

All-in-all, a rather difficult man to find that hasn’t already been snatched up by someone. The below image I found on d-listed. It is of Tom Ford and, for me, he epitomizes a man’s man.

Carly Simon: You’re So Vain: Carly Simon: Clouds in My Coffee 1965-1995 [4:18]

Technorati Tags: men, Tom Ford

Share/Save