coquetterie

On interviewing for my current job, the doyenne of my boutique agency asked, “Are you in the lifestyle?” Following rapidly, she posed, “Do you attend local fetish scene events?” Succinctly, I answered, ‘No.” to both queries.

Now, do take this rant with several large grains of salt. Generalizations will abound. I realize, clearly, they do not belong pushed on everyone who enjoys kink, kinkiness and fetishes. These statements stem from my experiences and observations.

I understand that there are pre-conceived notions of what FemDomme is and isn’t. I understand many feel that FemDomme is broken. And, others argue that the portrait painted [of dominas] shows misogyny from a professional standard. I, certainly, provide an interesting point of view into that minefield on another day. This discussion is more high-level than that.

Now, to the point of this post. Some of you remain [blissfully] unaware of my feelings about terms such as ‘the scene’ or ‘the lifestyle.” Excuse my rude bluntness as I explain: I fucking loathe them both. I find both terms extremely exclusionary. Trying to locate the scene in my conservative town straddles difficult and impossible. A close-knit community, I understand the necessity for discretion, owing to public perception, familes and the like. However, trying to slide my foot in the door and find others like myself, nigh on impossible. From all corners I heard that I couldn’t belong because I was too extreme. Others said that I was too naive and ‘dabbling.’ Invoking every adjective ranging the gamut from extremism to arm-chair playing, left me excluded.

I searched and then I found them. Welcomed into a group, I finally felt at home. I grew. I experienced and most importantly, I learned. My cadre of kinky friends shared common aspriations and kinks, yet they diverged, too. Heated discussions abounded. I loved that. Alas, it seemed to end as soon as it began. Some members of the group developed a fervor for their interests the like of which I can only compare to religious devotion. If it fell out of this scope, it was wrong, incorrect, impure. Then, you became a diletante, a dabbler, not a true kinkster. The heated debates disappeared and eventually I left that group, unwilling to be associated with something that I was not.

I tried fetish nights. When going to kink-nights at clubs, I dislike the aribrary rules enforced. To attend a fetish event, you must wear fetish clothing. As some of you are aware, I’m a buxom, curvaceous girl. (A very good thing, I’m coming to enjoy.) I’m also highly allergic to latex and rubber. That leaves me wearing leather or some sort of fanciful costume, which I prefer to wear only in the privacy of my home. Leather is nice enough, not in the Florida summer which lasts for the majority of the year. If you do not follow these rules, you aren’t allowed to attend. Shut out, Deemed by the powers as ‘not-kinky-enough.’ What I want to know, who elected these club owners or goers as the arbitars of what kink is?

I turned to the internet. In varying boards, groups viewed as extreme receive a mocking or insults. I do not have to agree with their philosphy or poins of view. I do believe in supporting them. I’d hope that they might do the same for me, one day, if necessary. I must note that not all boards, chat rooms, forums are this way. Just the initial ones I located.

Because of my work, people told me, without knowing me, that I dabble. I am not serious. I could not want this for my personal life. I am just out to make a dollar. I point to others, successful at molding a kinky career and personal life. They shrug. In their wold, I am excluded, not-viable.

I suppose what I’m saying really is, can’t we all just get along and play? Or, have all these groups formed their own versions of kink yet exclusions abound?

I personally believe we each need to practice our kinks and make our own rules as to what kinky is. What domination means to each person, in my opinion, remains personal to each one of us. I believe we should gather and explore our similarities and differences. We need to celebrate them. That makes us such a wonderfully diverse community. The scene and lifestyle need to expand to accept us all or it will fail. The failure, I believe, will lead to splintering of knowledge and a more fragmented society.

I want ‘the scene’ and ‘the lifestyle’ to embrace everyone. Is that such a difficult task? Only then will I forgo my objections to those terms.

Now Listening…Fall Out Boy: This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race: Infinity On high [3:32]

Technorati Tags: kinky, scene, lifestyle

Share/Save

The other day, I referred to UNG. I didn’t read the e-mail he sent me, only the self-serving instant message, hinting at how we should get together. Curiosity finally got the better of me late last night.

In the body of the e-mail, he somehwat apologized for being an ass. Although he allowed himself to think that it might be okay simply because we enjoyed what he called ‘a unique relationship.’ I believe y’all know my thoughts on the matter.

He noted that he wanted us to be friends. I laughed at that comment. Friends tend to do things together. Friends hang out. Friends enjoy each other’s company. Friends speak to each other. We hooked up. We made out. Not once did I count him amongst my friends nor will I.

The e-mail also referenced how he plans to secure my pleasure in the future, should we get together. I coerced a friend into reading the e-mail. Her opinion, mirroring mine, indicated a high probability of lip-service. Meaning, he would try and give me pleasure although it wasn’t guaranteed. Without a guarantee of mutual pleasure, the question is, will this tiger change his stripes?

I have no intention of finding out. I’m not that into him.

Now Listening…Frankie Goes to Hollywood: Relax from Welcome to the Pleasuredome [3:56]

Technorati Tags: ung, stripes, not that into you

Share/Save